I'M NOT THE GIRL I USED TO BE

By Chigozie Anuli Mbadugha

SAFACS 2023 ENTRY 24

The giant cross at a corner of the church hall and the smoky smell of incense, though reminders of Folasade's new-found faith in God, do not relieve the cold shudders raking through her body and the pounding thumps of her heartbeat. She shuffles on her seat, conscious of curious gazes from the church leaders present. Her handsome, light-skinned fiancé, Ben Alaga, smiles at her and winks. She looks away abruptly, embarrassed at his display of affection. Ben's father, Rev Alaga, a kind-looking man, goes straight to the point.

"Welcome, everyone. Ben wishes to marry our member, Folasade Oniru. She's a relatively new convert, but she's grown spiritually over the past year. I've given them my blessing, but they need your approval."

No one speaks at first, but suddenly, Pastor Deji, a tall, muscular young man, springs to his feet and bellows:

"I oppose this union vehemently. Pastor Ben shouldn't be allowed to marry a cheap prostitute!"

The door creaks as a church assistant holding a tray of watered-down fruit juice and tasteless wafers tries to gain an ill-timed entry into the room.

"Leave us!" shouts Ben angrily.

The tray crashes to the ground as she misses her footing after an abrupt turn. Folasade struts towards the door, her tall willowy figure accentuated by her fitted Ankara dress.

"Don't you dare walk out on us, Woman!" shouts Pastor Deji.

Folasade looks at him defiantly and joins the young lady, frantically retrieving the scattered refreshments from the floor. The assistant's eyes shine with gratitude. Task accomplished, Folasade takes a sweeping look at the judgmental faces in the room and swaggers to the pulpit.

"Can Pastor Deji tell us how he found out about my past?"

"That's not the point!" retorts Pastor Deji.

"A pastor's wife needs to be virtuous and a moral example to young people," says a middle-aged deaconess with a contemptuous look.

"Thank you, Deaconess Alade! She's not fit to be a pastor's wife!" said Pastor Deji.

"I'm not excusing my past way of life, but circumstances pushed me into prostitution. What pushed you into being a regular customer, Pastor Deji?" asks Folasade.

Pastor Deji sits sullenly with arms folded across his chest. The others speak in hushed tones.

Deaconess Alade clears her voice loudly, like someone with a thick cough:

"Pastor Deji is not on trial here today. You are."

"2 Corinthians 5:17 tells me that because I've given my life to Christ, I'm a new creature, and old things have passed away," replies Folasade. "If anyone in this room has never sinned, can they please step forward?"

Everyone remains glued to their seats.

"I'm not intimidated by your hypocrisy. I'm not the girl I used to be because Christ loved me enough to die for me. Mrs Alade, your husband, was also a regular. Judge him. Ben, God sees me and loves me still. Let me know if this has changed your intention," Folasade's voice oozes disappointment.