IDENTITY IN CHRIST

By Rhema Ezehi

SAFACS 2023 ENTRY 26

I want One Million Naira.

I have written and scratched off too many stories in the last twenty days or so at such a rapid rate, I think my guardian Angel's running out of patience with me. If I were to envision myself as a writer of the eighties, by now, I'd be drowning in a flood of scrunched-up papers filled with fantastic works that I’ve deemed 'not good enough' for this entry. Reason? They don't 'stand out'. There's no umph factor to make it different from, heaven knows, how many more entries that are sure to be submitted before the deadline.

But I need One Million Naira.

In the course of writing these last few days, I started to develop a sense of regularness, - I know it's not a word, bear with me, I'm ranting here - and the feeling that everyone else has got a groundbreaking fantastic turnaround story of how lost they were until God found them and brought them back from the brink of death and destruction; Out with the old, in with the new, BRILLIANT. So then what's there to write?

See, I've always prided myself on a sense of authenticity and originality that comes with every piece of literary work I pen down, but I found myself gradually creating false storylines, situating myself in 'appropriate' reader-worthy stories that would be more enticing to an audience but with each adjustment I made to a new storyline, there was need for more, another daylong effort deleted with the click of a button. After all, I need perfect work.

Perfect work gives me One Million Naira.

Why do I need it so bad anyway? Life's woes - single motherhood, debts, responsibilities. One million will solve some problems.

And then what? Do you lose your identity for One Million Naira?

When the Holy Spirit convicted me with this question, I slowed down, and for a couple of days I stayed in solitude. Why? Because I needed to take time to reminisce on the great deal of old that has been renewed in my life.

We hear 'Out with the old, In with the New', and are automatically inclined to - and I quote ever so sarcastically - 'think big!' But that exact mindset is what stops us from seeing all of the spiritual, mental, physical, and psychological changes that God makes in us every day. We compare how big our changes are to others rather than to our past selves.

What's my true old-to-new story?

It's the continuous process the Holy Spirit makes, words that leave my mouth, strengthening of my faith, building of my trust in God. I am no longer who I was 365 days ago. Every day, a little piece of the old me is replaced with God's ideal of me, my truest form.

I may not get One Million Naira.

I know, and I'm okay with it. It may not be 'groundbreaking or fantastic' but it’s my identity in Christ and it’s worth celebrating every day.