IDENTITY IN CHRIST

By Beauty Anyawu

SAFACS 2023 ENTRY 22

You are five, lurking behind the curtain watching your Dad gulp down a shot of spirit. After which he passes it to his friends. You notice their mannerism after each drinking hangout. How sloppily they talk and their sluggish movement. The drink makes them happy. You know this because the wrinkle in their forehead eases out after each drink. Out of curiosity, you take a shot of Dad’s spirit. It burns your throat, but you like how it makes you feel afterwards. So, you hide and drink it as often as you can when Dad is not around.

You are fifteen, fresh out of Algeria–your mom’s job seldom gets her posted out of the country. Your accent is a bit different, you move to a new neighbour, change schools, and Nigeria–your home country– has only gotten worse since the last time you lived here.

At the beginning of transitioning back to the norm of Nigeria, you are somewhat lonely. Being the new kid in the area does that to a person. As time goes on, you make new friends.

First, it was Hendrick, and then Kabiru came along. You like their companionship. You enjoy killing time, doing nothing but watching them smoke and talk about their latest girl conquest. You watch them, the same way you watched Dad with the spirit. How each puff makes their eyes delirious with dream-like wonder and their breath stink of short-lived joy. You love to watch people. It is both a curse and a blessing. It is by watching and observing Kabiru you learned how to speak with an American accent.

One day, you snatch a cigar out of Hendrick’s hand. Thus began your journey of addiction. You get hooked on weed and alcohol because of your first high experience. It felt like you were in a matrix, floating, able to touch the lines in the sky and transport to another universe.

It will take no time before your family learns of this new addiction. Every day you come home and your mom and siblings sniff and smell, hoping to find you a changed person. It never happens. Instead, your aggression grows and you become smarter with the ways to hide the red eyes, smoke smell, and insatiable hunger. Visine eye drops for your eyes, green leaves for your hands and fingers– a hearty meal before returning home.

Now, you are eighteen years of age. Older, friendless–your group of smoking friends have disbanded. Weed is your only companion. You cling to it until you meet Josh. As always, your take on the elements of his personality. This time it’s different, in a good way.

Josh is a follower of Christ. He talks about God in ways you have never heard. Josh introduces you to the gateway which transforms your life. And one day you wake up with no appetite for drugs and alcohol. It happens almost too suddenly, but it changes your life forever.