THE SAVIOUR

By Naomi Ephraim Ogehenfego

SAFACS 2023 ENTRY 16

I always wondered why Grandma always warned me to change my name even though I was named after her. She said it would bring bad luck to me, she also hated that I'm left-handed. Dad told me the name" Naomi "means delightful or pleasant and it doesn't relate to the reason Naomi in the Bible suffered so much. Well, Grandma eventually died after years of living with dementia and was bedridden till she died.

It was only when I was a little bit older that I started to wonder if Grandma's words were true. I was only in grade one when I was getting bullied and picked on for my bad dentition, I have always had a dull-colored set of teeth from birth and oddly black gums this is why I never took pictures because I hated how I looked in them. I never felt beautiful, I never felt worthy of recognition that's why I never took God seriously, I thought he hated the sight of me like people did.

I always thought I loved God because I was told I'm supposed to, I thought he'd hate me like everyone did. I thought he'd never love me back. I withdrew into myself and became lonely and anxious, I didn't love who I was.

I sought refuge in solitude, I tried to shut the real life out of my life but they came after me, the hate, the scorn. It was overwhelming, I couldn't find a savior so I made them a part of me, I let them define me, I picked up the negativity and made it into a robe that I wore with grace. I took all the jeers and smeared them all over my face so I could be reminded of the loser I was when I looked in a mirror. I lived in melancholy and fear, I didn't know rest.

Until a savior came along, not Spiderman, not Hulk. His name is Jesus, I felt it, amid my depression, in the time of my derailments, and in all those times I felt like running into an open flame and ending it all. And when I bowed my head to pray for a savior, he was always there telling me I'd be fine, telling me he loved me but I was blinded by my delusions.

Oh, the day he arrived in full glory, carried in chariots of fire, bringing salvation. Oh, what great joy I felt. It was the day I decided to give it all to him, my life, my happiness, my depression, everything right there on the altar, I heard him say " For my yoke is easy and my burden is light". He planted a new seed in me from the very flowers I destroyed, turning curses into blessings and death into life. He brought out the best in me and wrote my name in a book that can never be torn out. He made me love myself.